What Is Your Challenge?

Welcome another year!

Why do most New Year's Resolutions fail? By now, many New Years resolutions would be thrown out, forgotten, shrugged off. There is always next year.

Why do they fail? Perhaps, because theseBy now, many New Years resolutions would be thrown out, forgotten, shrugged off. There is always next year.

Diet? Lose weight? Cut down on the use of credit cards? Be more prompt with bill payments? Cut down on shopping. Read more, pursue that elusive dream, whatever that is. Be a better partner, parent, friend and employer or employee. This is a common one: Exercise!. Meditate.

Time is passing by, welcome to 365 days of procrastination. Time to change your strategy. Yes, life entails strategies, planning,action and implementation.

But, build it one step at a time.

Think of the company you work for. They have a business plan, a budget; they make sure they have the resources needed, financial, time and human . They assess their position on schedule. They implement, they act decisively when it matters.

This is their challenge in order to succeed.

So, what is your challenge?

Replace the worn out resolutions that you make year year.The words lost their essence, their meaning long ago. Re-think, plan a strategy to meet your challenge. Make it worth your while.

In a nutshell, are these pursuits challenging ?

Healthy lifestyle:

1. good , healthy nutritious food

2. healthy portions of food

3. balance work, family and recreation, each area gets a time of their own

4. exercise choose what is best for you, a lot to choose from

5. time for yourself- discover, nurture and listen to your inner self
Financial Health

1. budget- a well planned budget

2. outline major expenses for the year- car, house repairs, travel

3. analysis of spending habits- what you need and what you want

4. pay down debt- mortgage, credit cards

5. no matter what age group- a nest egg /retirement/emergency funds

Try a 21-day challenge.

This is not an original idea. But studies show that if you try your best for 21 days, it eventually results in developing a healthy habit. A forum I'm on has this 21-day challenge. It turns participants into doers. That's what you need to become- a doer.

Take it one challenge at a time. What is important to you? Diet, weight loss?

Challenge yourself to adopt a healthier eating habit. If fast food and take-out food is your style, there are healthy choices in this area. BUT-is cooking such an aversion and bother that the convenience of take-out or frozen meals are so tempting. There are benefits to cooking. You can choose, experiment and be creative. It's actually a rewarding endeavour. Surprise yourself.

You love food, eat very healthy portions, you never feel full. More food is good for you. OK- think aboout this seriously.

Vegetables. Yuk. What wants them? Think again. You do!!! Get the idea?

Try this for 21 days. Focus on this challenge,with dedication and enthusiasm.Do it! If you succeed, your 21 days would act as your spring board to the next challenge .

One challenge at a time, you can build it up to eventually meeting all those New Years Resolution you've dropped by the wayside.

The Gratitude Attitude

Gratitude is one of the most powerful forces in the Universe. It may not look as good as money, a big car, a palatial house, or the latest makeover – in fact, you can't see it at all – but, as I'm going to show you, gratitude has more power to change your life than all these material things put together.

The dictionary tells us that gratitude is "the expression of gratefulness and thanks" but this doesn't begin to convey its real effect. Here are an alternative set of definitions.

Gratitude stops you taking your life for granted and helps you realize how many good things you have in your life.
Gratitude makes others feel better.
Gratitude makes you feel better. In the words of an Arabian proverb, "The hand that gives the roses always keeps some of the scent."
Gratitude raises your awareness of things around you.
Gratitude is easy, quick, and simple.
Gratitude is an instant blues-breaker and stress-reliever.
Gratitude changes your view of so-called "bad" things.
Gratitude frees you from petty annoyances.
Gratitude inspires you.
Gratitude puts your thoughts and feelings on a high vibration level that in turn attracts back to you more things to be grateful for.
Gratitude nourishes the soul.
Gratitude is like compound interest on money in the bank: the more you put in, the more you get out.
Gratitude is a spiritual act because it acknowledges that the origin of all good things is a source outside ourselves.
Gratitude puts you on a direct line to God.

That's the "what" of gratitude. To show you the "how", here are three things you can do to make the Gratitude Attitude a firm fixture in your life.

1. Create a Thank Bank. A Thank Bank is simply a place where you can jot down all the things that you are grateful for in your life. You can split the bank into different accounts such as Family, Surroundings and Work, and then simply start writing out your thanks until you stop. Put your list somewhere safe and pull it out when you're feeling down and you'll instantly change your mood.
2. Show Gratitude Quietly. Don't turn gratitude into a promotional or motivational tool. Too much thanks is as ineffective as too little. Instead, express your thanks in quiet ways: a thought, a prayer, a one-on-one word, a note of appreciation. Give people gifts of thanks that aren't bought at shops: a bit of your time, a sacrifice, something valuable to you. Remember the story in the Bible of the widow, who gave a small money gift in thanks even though it was worth everything to her.

3. Always Replace the 3 C's With the 3 A's. If you work or manage others, and sometimes feel the need to use one of the 3 C's – complaining, condemning, and criticizing – replace them with the 3 A's of Accepting, Acknowledging, and Appreciating. Accept people for who they are; acknowledge them for what they do; and appreciate them for just being around. Remember that when you appreciate others, your reputation and respect appreciates too.

There's nothing complicated about gratitude. It's something we can all do. We so often don't do it because we forget, because we focus on the few so-called bad things in our lives, and because we take the wonderful things for granted. So change your life. Put gratitude just below your level of consciousness, and every day will become one of joy and delight.

Law of Attraction Classics: Suggestion is Power - Vision and Manifesting - Charles Bristol

I recall a thrifty neighbor of mine who, although a man of intelligence and mature years, had his hair cut at only certain times of the moon. I don't remember whether it was when the moon was waxing or waning, but he maintained that whatever phase he selected caused his hair to grow less abundantly than if he had visited the barber at other times.

I asked him once where he got such an idea. He glared at me as though I were belittling his intelligence, and I never did get an answer to my question.

What I have said about plant and animal life may cause a lot of materialistic people to take violent issue, but it must be remembered that at work in the world are many forces of which we know little or nothing. Consider how many new principles were developed in World War II.

Without question, human imagination, visualization, and concentration are the chief factors in developing the subconscious mind's magnetic forces. You have often heard the statement, "Hold that pose!" That, of course, means holding the mental picture or vision. Here again, suggestion---repeated suggestion---plays its part.

For example, you would like a new home. Your imagination goes to work. At first, you have only a hazy idea of the kind of house you would like. Then, as you discuss it with other members of your family---or ask questions of builders or look at illustrations of new houses---the mental picture becomes clearer and clearer, until you can visualize your ideal house in all its particulars

After that, the subconscious goes to work to provide you with that house. It may come into manifestation in any number of ways. But do you really care whether you build it with your own hands, or whether it comes to you through purchase, or from the actions of outsiders? How it comes to you is of no great consequence!

When you are after a better job or planning a vacation trip, the process is the same. You've got to see it in your mind's eye, see yourself as holding that job or actually taking the trip. Some of our fears become realities through our imaginations, just as Job's did. Fortunately, many of them do not---as long as we hold the mental picture only temporarily, or at least not long enough to focus it fully upon the screen of our subconscious.

The Biblical warning, "Where there is no vision, the people perish," is a fundamental truth, whether considered individually or collectively. For without the mental picture of accomplishment, little is done. You want a better job? You'll get it when you give your subconscious mind a mental picture of yourself holding that jo.

As I write this, I think of the many experiences confided to me by those who have used this science during the years. I want to give you some of their stories, for in them you may perhaps find clues to an even more effective use of the principles and the mechanics which I am setting forth.

Law of Attraction Classics: Suggestion Is Power - Sports

This subtle force of the repeated suggestion overcomes our reason, acting directly on our emotions and our feelings, finally penetrating to the very depths of our subconscious minds. This is the basic principle of all successful advertising---the continued and repeated suggestion that first makes you believe, after which you are eager to buy. In recent years we have enjoyed a vitamin spree.

For centuries tomatoes were looked upon as poisonous. People dared not eat them until some fearless person tried them and lived. Today millions of people eat tomatoes, not knowing that they were considered unfit for human consumption. Conversely, the lowly spinach nearly went into the garbage pail after the United States Government declared that it did not contain the food values attributed to it for decades. Millions believed this and refused to honor Popeye's favorite dish any longer.

Clearly, the founders of all great religious movements knew much about the power of the repeated suggestion and gained far-reaching results with it. Religious teachings have been hammered into us from birth, into our mothers and fathers before us and into their parents and their parents before them.

There's certainly white magic in that kind of believing.

Such statements as "What we don't know won't hurt us" and 'Ignorance is bliss" take on greater significance when you realize that only the things you become conscious of can harm or bother you. We have all heard the story of the man who didn't know it couldn't be done and went ahead and did it.

Psychologists tell us that as babies we have only two fears: the fear of loud noises and the fear of falling. All of our other fears are passed on to us or develop as a result of our experiences; they come from what we are taught or what we hear and see.

I like to think of men and women as staunch oak trees that can stand firm amid the many crosscurrents of thought that whirl around them. But far too many people are like saplings that, swayed by every little breeze, ultimately grow in the direction of some strong wind of thought that blows against them.

The Bible is filled with examples of the power of thought and suggestion. Read Genesis, Chapter 30, verses 36 to 43, and you'll learn that even Jacob knew their power. The Bible tells how he developed spotted and speckled cattle, sheep, and goats by placing rods from trees, partially stripping them of their bark so they would appear spotted and marked, in the watering troughs where the animals came to drink. As you may have guessed, the flocks conceived before the spotted rods and brought forth cattle, "ring-straked, speckled, and spotted." (And incidentally, Jacob waxed exceedingly rich.)

Moses, too, was a master at suggestion. For forty years he used it on the Israelites, and it took them to the promised land of milk and honey. David, following the suggestive forces operating on him, slew the mighty, heavily armed Goliath with a pebble from a slingshot.

Joan of Arc, the frail little Maid of OrlÚans, heard voices and under their suggestive influences became imbued with the idea that she had a mission to save France. She was able to transmit her indomitable spirit to the hearts of her soldiers and she defeated the superior forces of the English at OrlÚans.

William James, father of modern psychology in America, declared that often our faith in advance of a doubtful undertaking is the only thing that can assure its successful conclusion. Man's faith, according to James, acts on the powers above him as a claim and creates its own verification. In other words, the thought becomes literally father to the fact.

For further illumination of faith and its power, I suggest that you read the General Epistle of James in the New Testament.

Actually everyone who has ever witnessed a football or baseball game has seen this power of suggestion at work. Knute Rockne, the famous coach at Notre Dame, knew the value of suggestion and used it repeatedly, but always suited his method of applying it to the temperament of the individual team
On one Saturday afternoon, Notre Dame was playing in a particularly grueling game, and at the end of the first half was trailing badly. The players were in their dressing room nervously awaiting Rockne's arrival. Finally the door opened, and Rockne came in slowly. His eyes swept inquiringly over the squad---"Oh, excuse me, I made a mistake. I thought these were the quarters of the Notre Dame team." The door closed, and Rockne was gone.

Puzzled and then stung with fury, the team went out for the second half---and won the game.

Other writers, too, have explained the psychological methods Rockne used and have told how Fielding Yost of Michigan, Dan McGuin of Vanderbilt, Herbert Crisler of Princeton, and dozens of others used the "magic" of suggestion to arouse their teams to great emotional heights.

Before the Rose Bowl game of 1934, the "wise" tipsters rated the Columbia team as underdogs. They hadn't counted on Coach Lou Little and his stirring talks to his players day after day. When the whistle blew for the end of the game, the Columbia men were the top dogs over the "superior" Stanford team.

In 1935, Gonzaga University beat powerful Washington State 13 to 6 in one of the biggest upset games ever seen in the West. Gonzaga was a non-conference team, while the Washington State team, because of its great record, was thought to be unbeatable. Newspapers at the time reported assistant coach Sam Dagley as having declared that Gonzaga played inspired football.

He revealed that for half an hour before the game, Coach Mike Pecarovich played "over and over" a phonograph record of one of Rockne's most rousing pep talks.

Years ago, Mickey Cochrane of the Detroit Tigers literally drove a second-division-minded group of baseball players to the top of the American League by using the power of the repeated suggestion. I quote from a newspaper dispatch: "Day after day, through the hot, hard grind, [Cochrane] preached the gospel of victory, impressing on the Tigers the 'continued thought' that the team which wins must go forward."

You see the same force actively at work in the fluctuations of the stock market. Unfavorable news immediately depresses prices, while favorable news raises them. The intrinsic values of stocks are not changed, but there is an immediate change in the thinking of the market operators, which is reflected at once in the minds of the holders. Not what will actually happen, but what security holders believe will happen causes them to buy or sell.

In the Depression years---and there may be years like them in the future---we saw this same suggestive force working overtime. Day after day we heard expressions such as, "Times are hard," "Business is poor," "The banks are failing," "Prosperity hasn't a chance," and wild stories about business failures on every hand, until they became the national chant.

Millions believed that prosperous days would never return. Hundreds, yes thousands, of strong-willed men go down under the constant hammering, the continuous tap-tapping of the same fearful thoughts. Money, always sensitive, runs to cover when fear suggestions begin to circulate, and business failures and unemployment quickly follow.

We hear thousands of stories of bank failures, huge concerns going to the wall, etc., and people readily believe them and act accordingly.

There will never be another business depression if people generally realize that their own fearful thoughts literally create hard times. They think hard times, and hard times follow. So it is with wars. When peoples of the world stop thinking of depressions and wars, they will become non- existent, for nothing comes into our economic sphere unless we first create it with our emotional thinking.

Improve Performance through Positive Thinking and Behavior

Positive thinking is making a conscious effort to think with an optimistic attitude and anticipate positive outcomes. Positive behavior means purposely acting with energy and enthusiasm. When you think and behave positively, you guide your mind toward your goals and generate matching mental and physical energy.

Rediscovering Chapbooks

In the 1600's most cultured socialites considered chapbooks vulgar. These 'flimsy' booklets were often sold in less than reputable establishments and contained a variety of less than quality poetry, stories, ballads and political dissent. Often filled with spelling mistakes, factual blunders and little in the way of quality assurance these chapbooks often connected with the uncultured alone.

The Secret To Business Success: Act On Your Ideas

The real secret of a success is simple: Do something about your ideas. Each of us has seen a new idea and said, "Why, I thought of that a year ago." We say it with scorn, but we should direct the scorn at ourselves, not at the person who had the drive to do something about it.

Why Do We Hurt Those We Love Most And How To Stop This

You love each other but can't manage to communicate without arguing, fighting and ending up exhausted, each one in his corner, trying to lick his wounds and thinking of how to protect one self against a new attack. And in spite of that…you love each other? How is this possible? Why do people hurt most those they love?

Publishing Options For Freelance Book Authors

it is difficult to break into the publishing industry as a new author, and even more difficult to get an acceptance letter from an editor at a large publishing house. As an author you will work hard to finish your book, and work even harder to find the right book publisher. The good news is you can tap into several types of publishers to publish your book. Here is a look at some common types of book publishing.

GROUP PUBLISHING: Group publishing is the process by which a large company publishes your work in the name of a larger company. For example, large publishing companies often operate smaller publishing companies. The larger publishing company serves as an umbrella over the smaller group publishing companies. Sometimes these companies operate several smaller companies and book imprints that produce different genres of writing and books. Sometimes this is referred to trade publishing. For example, a large publishing group may produce best-selling adult novels, but may also operate under a smaller name to produce certain non-fiction books, cookbooks, children's books, or niche titles. Group publishing is a popular way to publish a book.

EDUCATIONAL PUBLISHING: Educational publishing shares some likeness to trade publishing. These companies deal specifically with educational material. They may deal with only college textbooks, or they might deal with textbooks and materials for grades K-12. Besides textbooks, these companies might also produce other forms of educational material, which include posters, workbooks, CD-ROMS, software, testing material and maps. There are several big name educational publishing companies.

UNIVERSITY PUBLISHING: Better known as the "University Press," this type of publishing is different from group publishing and it is not the same as scholarly publishing. These types of companies are usually non-profit. Universities, colleges and sometimes museums or other organizations operate these publishing imprints. These publishers usually publish books by scholars and other specialists. Besides distributing their books to bookstores, they also make their book titles available within the university system. Sometimes larger trade publishers publish these types of books


INDEPENDENT PUBLISHING: Independent publishers are often the best way to publish your book with established distribution channels. Independent publishers are generally small, privately-owned companies. Many times, these companies only publish a handful of books each year and they specialize in certain subjects. They have the freedom to publish just about anything they wish.

SOFTWARE and other MEDIA: You might consider software and other types of media as a publishing option. Think about the many e-books, CD-ROMs and digital downloads, many published by large and small publishing companies. These types of publishing companies are often associated with larger trade publishers. In fact, many large publishing companies have their own in-house media publisher to spawn the traditional paperback book into other types of media. Digital and alternate media is a huge, profitable business, and these publishers are just as important and lucrative as the large trade publishers.

As you can see, you can tap into various publishers who might consider publishing your book. If you are unlucky with a large trade publisher or group publisher, then don't give up. Keep looking at the different types of publishing companies until you find one that wants to work with you and your book. 

Article Writing: Can It Help Grow My Forum?

Question: I've got a forum and it's a ghost town. How can I get people to my forum? – NobodyLovesMe

Dear Nobody Loves Me,
Building a forum into a happenin' place is a LOT of work. Don't be discouraged if your efforts aren't paying off yet. It does take time.

Tips For Selecting The Right Public Relation Firm

Sometimes, a great product is not enough to get the attention your company deserves from the public. Sometimes, you need to make waves the right waves in order to get noticed and employing a public relation firm can help you gain your place in the limelight.

Three Proven Ways to Handle Your Writing Anxiety

Writing anxiety and writing block are informal terms that are used to denote pessimistic and anxious feeling about writing. Researches showed that the majority of students exhibit unusually strong apprehension about writing. This debilitating condition forces students to avoid majors, jobs, and courses that require writing.

In fact, having some level of writing anxiety can help you concentrate, really your thoughts together, and devote all of them to writing. However, in excessive quantities it can become a hindrance; here is where the actual problem lies.

Persistence is Key

Once, there was a dog named Manty. She was a typical house pet in a typical middle-income family. The family lived in a rather small house. So, home to Manty was the backyard, which was rather small too.

Manty's world revolved around the four corners of this small backyard, which was likewise used as the laundry area. Peculiar as it may seem, Manty had a favorite area in this backyard where it slept and stayed. This was the area under the sink, where most of the laundry work was being done.

Manty shared its favorite space with the laundry woman. The laundry woman stored all sorts of soapboxes, pails, basins and tools under the sink, which created obstructions for the poor dog. But still, Manty would be found crawling under its favorite area and making itself comfortable amidst these objects. At times, the laundry woman stored heavy objects in Manty's favorite spot that the poor dog had to struggle to move these objects aside just to be able to squeeze itself in. Manty could hardly move; but somehow, it still liked the spot very much.

All sorts of combinations have been done to discourage the dog from sleeping under the sink; but still, the dog always managed to squeeze itself in. When Manty found it difficult to fit itself into the spot, she would sit for a while looking at its favorite spot as if contemplating and thinking of a way to get itself into it. And in each of its attempts, it succeeded.

Aren't you amazed at such a display of persistence? To think that Manty is just a dog makes it more amazing!

If a dog has such level of persistence, why can't we humans have the same? If we meet obstacles, we easily wave the white flag of surrender. This shows our lack of persistence, determination, and tenacity in pursuing our goals.
It takes persistence to move forward to progress. If we stop somewhere along the road towards success in life, it is like starting from the top again. When we give up, we lose everything we worked hard for: time, effort, money, and most especially, the opportunity to succeed in life.

We will never know how close we are to success if we surrender somewhere in-between. It is a choice between success and failure. Surrendering is accepting failure. Persistence to continue, despite obstacles, is the way to success.

We can accept failures, why not? Our mindset must be programmed to perceive failures as temporary. Failure is a pre-requisite to success and it is only temporary. When we fail, it is time to assess and learn from our mistakes. Then, we must find another way and still move on until we reach the door of success, never wavering to whatever obstacles that may hinder us.

We should open our minds and expect instances when we will be confronted with obstacles that would result to making a decision whether to continue or not. We may be undecided which course of action to take next. The best way is to examine the options and alternatives available to us. From there, we can move forward and continue to our journey towards the achievement of our goals.

Success is never easy, and failure is part of success. The sad part is that most of us are deterred by the mere thought of failure, and this paralyzes us from taking the right course of action.

We see many people who easily give up and are satisfied with their own meager sense of accomplishment. They simply sit back and watch successful people enjoy life while they engage in self-pity, regretting that they have given up too soon.

The choice is ours to make.

Work Part-time-----Earn Full-time

t is not the amount of hours that you put into a working day as much as the amount of work you put into the hours.Far better to plan your day so that you can maximise your resources,instead of jumping from one task to another and end up doing nothing efficently.

You do not need a large sum of money to finance a business proposition.All you need is a good idea and the ability to put together a business plan that will convince investors that you can make money.When people are convinced that you can make money,you should have no problem getting people to invest in your proposition.

A rule you should abide by is not to keep on working for your money indefnitely.If you do this you become a slave to money.Far better to let money work for you.By investing your money in a business proposition where your returns are guaranteed ,you free yourself.

Take arbitrage investment in sports betting.An arbitrage is simply the purchase of securities from one market for immediate resale to another market in order to profit from the discrepancy
.
There are arbitrage opportunities in numerous markets.The one concentrated on here is the sports betting market worldwide.
With the correct software this market can be exploited,giving guaranteed profits.If you know what to look for in this type of situation you can exploit the situation to give you a guaranteed profit.Coupled to the software is a FREE booklet detailing in specific detail how to exploit this market.

If the instructions in the book are adhered to the user can look forward to a guaranteed profit.There are people operating at the moment making a full time living out of arbitrage investment..This book will show you everything you need to know ,to produce a very profitable and regular income from a loophole that has been brought about by the Internet and the masses of bookmakers that have sprung up and continue to do so. .This loophole can never be regulated or closed down and as the Internet grows the number of opportunities this loophole will make available will multiply
 There are many reasons why bookmakers may offer wildly different odds on the same sporting event .For a start many bookmakers overstretch themselves when offering odds---they try and cover every possible market to get as many customers as possible. This is great news for us because in doing so they will sometimes offer odds on events that they have little or no expert knowledge in .For example a bookmaker in the USA may offer odds on English division football yet he knows very little about it.

Not much money is needed to get started in this business.As you progress and people begin to see that you are making a profit 100% of the time you are going to attract people to you,who are going to try and find out your secret of making money.

This is the time to start an investmrnt club ,in your own neighborhood first and let it get known.You should be making conservatively 200% monthly on the money invested with you.Give your investors a return of 10-15% monthly on their money and the rest is pure profit to you.You should by this time be operating a very profitable business on OPM (other peoples money)

We Have to Talk: A Step-By-Step Checklist for Difficult Conversations

Think of a conversation you've been putting off. Got it? Great. Then let's go.

There are dozens of books on the topic of difficult, crucial, challenging, important (you get the idea) conversations (I list several at the end of this article). Those times when you know you should talk to someone, but you don't. Maybe you've tried and it went badly. Or maybe you fear that talking will only make the situation worse. Still, there's a feeling of being stuck, and you'd like to free up that stuck energy for more useful purposes.

What you have here is a brief synopsis of best practice strategies: a checklist of action items to think about before going into the conversation; some useful concepts to practice during the conversation; and some tips and suggestions to help your energy stay focused and flowing, including possible conversation openings.

You'll notice one key theme throughout: you have more power than you think.


Working on Yourself: How To Prepare for the Conversation

Before going into the conversation, ask yourself some questions:

1. What is your purpose for having the conversation? What do you hope to accomplish? What would be an ideal outcome?
Watch for hidden purposes. You may think you have honorable goals, like educating an employee or increasing connection with your teen, only to notice that your language is excessively critical or condescending. You think you want to support, but you end up punishing. Some purposes are more useful than others. Work on yourself so that you enter the conversation with a supportive purpose.

2. What assumptions are you making about this person's intentions? You may feel intimidated, belittled, ignored, disrespected, or marginalized, but be cautious about assuming that this was the speaker's intention. Impact does not necessarily equal intent.

3. What "buttons" of yours are being pushed? Are you more emotional than the situation warrants? Take a look at your "backstory," as they say in the movies. What personal history is being triggered? You may still have the conversation, but you'll go into it knowing that some of the heightened emotional state has to do with you.

4. How is your attitude toward the conversation influencing your perception of it If you think this is going to be horribly difficult, it probably will be. If you truly believe that whatever happens, some good will come of it, that will likely be the case. Try to adjust your attitude for maximum effectiveness.

5. Who is the opponent? What might he be thinking about this situation? Is he aware of the problem? If so, how do you think he perceives it? What are his needs and fears? What solution do you think he would suggest? Begin to reframe the opponent as partner.

6. What are your needs and fears? Are there any common concerns? Could there be?

7. How have you contributed to the problem? How has the other person?


4 Steps to a Successful Outcome

The majority of the work in any conflict conversation is work you do on yourself. No matter how well the conversation begins, you'll need to stay in charge of yourself, your purpose and your emotional energy. Breathe, center, and continue to notice when you become off center–and choose to return again. This is where your power lies. By choosing the calm, centered state, you'll help your opponent/partner to be more centered, too. Centering is not a step; centering is how you are as you take the steps. (For more on Centering, see the Resource section at the end of the article.)

Step #1: Inquiry
Cultivate an attitude of discovery and curiosity. Pretend you don't know anything (you really don't), and try to learn as much as possible about your opponent/partner and his point of view. Pretend you're entertaining a visitor from another planet, and find out how things look on that planet, how certain events affect the other person, and what the values and priorities are there.

If your partner really was from another planet, you'd be watching his body language and listening for unspoken energy as well. Do that here. What does he really want? What is he not saying?

Let your partner talk until he is finished. Don't interrupt except to acknowledge. Whatever you hear, don't take it personally. It's not really about you. Try to learn as much as you can in this phase of the conversation. You'll get your turn, but don't rush things.

Step #2: Acknowledgment
Acknowledgment means showing that you've heard and understood. Try to understand the other person so well you can make his argument for him. Then do it. Explain back to him what you think he's really going for. Guess at his hopes and honor his position. He will not change unless he sees that you see where he stands. Then he might. No guarantees.
Acknowledge whatever you can, including your own defensiveness if it comes up. It's fine; it just is. You can decide later how to address it. For example, in an argument with a friend, I said: "I notice I'm becoming defensive, and I think it's because your voice just got louder and sounded angry. I just want to talk about this topic. I'm not trying to persuade you in either direction." The acknowledgment helped him (and me) to re-center.

Acknowledgment can be difficult if we associate it with agreement. Keep them separate. My saying, "this sounds really important to you," doesn't mean I'm going to go along with your decision.

Step #3: Advocacy
When you sense your opponent/partner has expressed all his energy on the topic, it's your turn. What can you see from your perspective that he's missed? Help clarify your position without minimizing his. For example: "From what you've told me, I can see how you came to the conclusion that I'm not a team player. And I think I am. When I introduce problems with a project, I'm thinking about its long-term success. I don't mean to be a critic, though perhaps I sound like one. Maybe we can talk about how to address these issues so that my intention is clear."

Step #4: Problem-Solving
Now you're ready to begin building solutions. Brainstorming and continued inquiry are useful here. Ask your opponent/partner what he thinks might work. Whatever he says, find something you like and build on it. If the conversation becomes adversarial, go back to inquiry. Asking for the other's point of view usually creates safety and encourages him to engage. If you've been successful in centering, adjusting your attitude, and engaging with inquiry and useful purpose, building sustainable solutions will be easy.


Practice, Practice, Practice

The art of conversation is like any art–with continued practice you acquire skill and ease. Here are some additional hints:

Tips and Suggestions:

• A successful outcome will depend on two things: how you are and what you say. How you are (centered, supportive, curious, problem-solving) will greatly influence what you say.

• Acknowledge emotional energy–yours and your partner's–and direct it toward a useful purpose.

• Know and return to your purpose at difficult moments.

• Don't take verbal attacks personally. Help your opponent/partner come back to center.

• Don't assume your opponent/partner can see things from your point of view.

• Practice the conversation with a friend before holding the real one.

• Mentally practice the conversation. See various possibilities and visualize yourself handling them with ease. Envision the outcome you are hoping for.


How Do I Begin?

In my workshops, a common question is How do I begin the conversation? Here are a few conversation openers I've picked up over the years–and used many times!


• I have something I'd like to discuss with you that I think will help us work together more effectively.

• I'd like to talk about ____________ with you, but first I'd like to get your point of view.

• I need your help with what just happened. Do you have a few minutes to talk?

• I need your help with something. Can we talk about it (soon)? If the person says, "Sure, let me get back to you," follow up with him.

• I think we have different perceptions about _____________________. I'd like to hear your thinking on this.

• I'd like to talk about ___________________. I think we may have different ideas about how to _____________________.

• I'd like to see if we might reach a better understanding about ___________. I really want to hear your feelings about this and share my perspective as well.

Write a possible opening for your conversation here:

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Good luck! Let me know if this article has been useful by contacting me at http://www.judyringer.com

Resources

The Magic of Conflict, by Thomas F. Crum (www.aikiworks.com)
Difficult Conversations, by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen (www.triadcgi.com)
Crucial Conversations, by Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, Al Switzler (www.crucialconversations.com)
FAQ about Conflict, by Judy Ringer http://www.JudyRinger.com

Do You Think Motivational Thoughts?

What do motivational thoughts do? They help you take action. This isn't about positive thinking or motivating quotes. Those have their place in shaping your attitude and thinking. However, what motivates each of us is unique, so you need to have your own thoughts - those which are most effective at getting you going.

"In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity" - Albert Einstein

This is a decent quote, and it may help you look at the positive side of a situation, but what if it just doesn't get you excited? Then you need to apply a little brainpower to make the idea your own. You have to make it a truly motivational thought for YOU.

Motivational Thoughts Of Your Own

"Making it your own" means experimenting with a good thought until you find a way to use it in your own recipe for motivation. Suppose, for example, you're in a difficult situation and don't feel like dealing with it. As you sit there, you play around with the idea of opportunity coming from difficulty. Fortunately, you discover that it pulls you out of your slump to think about yourself in the future, explaining to a friend how you turned the difficult situation to your advantage.

This is how you create your own motivational thoughts. Now, it might be more motivating if you imagine yourself being interviewed someday about how you overcame this difficult time. The thoughts that work for you are the thoughts you need to be thinking.

Learn Your Motivations

Experiment and get to know how your mind works. I find that beyond just thinking a thought, if I explain it to someone, I get excited. That is my own self-motivation recipe. When I feel unmotivated about writing, for example, all I explain an idea I have for some article to my wife. By the time I am done, I'm very motivated to work.

You can get creative in your motivational experiments. Maybe thinking about being poor makes you get up and get to work. If so, that is a great motivational thought. If visual thoughts are more motivating than mental conversations, then use those. See pictures in your head that get you going. Perhaps when people say you can't do something, you do whatever it takes to prove them wrong. Then it might be motivational to think about them saying you can't.

When there is a truly uninspiring task you have to do, try promising yourself a reward for completion - make it one that really means something to you. Keep that thought in your mind to keep yourself motivated. A trip to the beach and even a simple bowl of ice cream may be some of your more powerful motivational thoughts.

In our competitive world today, leadership skills are crucial to any successful business. What is leadership? Leadership is commonly used to refer to activities such as conducting, guiding, or directing people; initiating activity. However, leadership is also used to refer to someone who is a leader. How can leadership be applied in so many ways and what constitutes a leader in all of these situations? The answer is contained in the realization that perhaps the most fundamental characteristic of leadership, and therefore of leaders, is personal leadership.

Some individuals are born leaders while others have to procure the skill and talent to successfully make their mark as a leader. It is obvious that some individuals have the confidence and the charisma to make themselves role models for others to follow. These individuals do not require much guidance in nurturing their inherent talent.

But there are scores of others for whom developing leadership qualities is key to their success. Leadership skill training is of immense significance in the present day corporate world. Leadership skill training is imparted to concerned individuals to help them derive the maximum benefit as far as acquiring leadership skill is concerned.

At times it is not very easy for new leaders to change their role from a contributor to a leader. Leadership skill training empowers an individual to have faith in others and also assists him in utilizing his time fruitfully with others by grooming people with the aid of guidance, help, and training.

These skills may be tough to acquire, so the switchover to the status of leadership can be very demanding and at times unthinkable in the absence of effective guidance and help.
What is personal leadership? It is the ability to lead others and yourself in the direction you want your life to take. The ability to define what you want out of life and how you are going to get there is the first step in developing leadership. It is only the beginning because personal leadership means “leading”, “directing”, and “taking action”. It means living each day to the fullest. It means developing goals that you want so badly that you live each day with enthusiastic ardor for your goals, yourself, and all who are close to you. Knowing what you want out of life; knowing what success is to you; knowing what your goals are; knowing that you are going to achieve those goals regardless of what other people think, say, or do, is the essence of personal leadership.

Personal leadership also means “accountability”. It means that you have decided to use the talents that are unique to you and will develop them further to reach your goals. It means that you realize that you have the potential to develop further. It means that you have determined the course of your destiny—you are the master of your life.

Leadership training also helps leaders who have the inherent talent in them to advance their ability and sense of judgment to transform themselves into leaders of great repute. 

Living with Joy

Living with joy can sometimes be a challenge. When things appear to be going against our will, we tend to experience this as pain, suffering, or that we're having a bad day. Recognizing that we are in control of our feelings, and that we have the choice to live in joy, or in fear is the first step to creating a life full of joy and positivity.

One principle that we all need to acquire is the ability to see all situations, people, and events from a positive perspective. Instead of viewing bad things in life as a prompt to get upset and angry, try to view the "bad things" as lessons that are helping you grow, helping you to become as whole of an individual as possible. Too many times, we think that the outer world, the physical reality is creating our day, causing us to be sad or unhappy; however it is the opposite that is true. We create our day, we create the circumstances for joyous living.

The most important lesson is that "beingness" precedes experience. In order to be happy, we first need to "be happy" inside, and this internal happiness radiates outward through every cell of our bodies and creates the outer experience of a smile, or a laugh, or an intimate connection between two people. It is in this "beingness" that we have the ability to see and to choose our feelings, desires, goals, and dreams, which then enables us to manifest an outer reality based on our true selves.

We create the reality in which we experience joy, anger, love, and fear. Because we have the ability, the free will, to choose our reality, we can make that conscious choice to try to just be happier, more grateful, and more sensitive. This happiness though will never come if you are looking outside of yourself first. Because, what we just learned is that in order to be happy we have to have the internal feeling of happiness to then create that happiness in our daily lives. Remember that your beliefs about reality create your experience of it.

So, start changing your negatives into positives, gain clarity, and open your heart by looking inside yourself. When we start changing ourselves from inside out, the universe will respond to us in ways in which we could never imagine. The ability to start manifesting your goals and dreams is already inside of you. Take the leap to start living in joy today. 

Benefits Of Creating User Documents In-House

OVERVIEW

For small companies, creating their product's User Documentation in-house, provides benefits to the company, to (idle) staff, and to the product. This article describes the benefits and some downsides of producing User Documents in-house.

THREE OPTIONS

If you have no in-house writing staff you have three options:


1. No User Document for the product. This is NOT a valid option. Every product needs User Documentation. It completes your product package, and enhances the User's experience with your product. Here are two examples of non-existent User Documentation:

* Tomatoes. Most people don't know that before use, tomatoes should not be refrigerated. Refrigerating tomatoes before use will reduce their flavor and nutrition value.

* A Manual Can Opener. This can opener clamps on the can, thus the user does not have to squeeze the handles while operating the can opener. It came with no User Documentation, as "everyone could probably figure out how to use it." This is wrong. After a few uses, the blades become slightly dulled, and the handles are very difficult to clamp and lock.

The simple tip of turning the knob while squeezing the handles makes the can opener easy to use. That tip could form the basis of a User Manual for the product. The manual should include instructions for care of the can opener. The absurd situation is that this clamp feature was the unique aspect of the product; but the feature becomes unusable because of no User Document.

How have you felt about products that came without User Documentation? Were you confused about the product and getting the most from it? User Documentation adds to the value of the product. Let's look at how we can get it created.

2. Use an outside writing service or consultant. Technical writers may be an excellent choice to create your User Documentation. However, there may be downsides to using them.

* When documentation changes have to be made, the company has to re-hire the writer. If the writer were unavailable, then you have to wait or search for a new writer. When the new writer gets hired, a new orientation to the company and the project would have to start. Delays, delays, delays.

* An even more horrible thought is that the outside writer used some fancy piece of software to create the User Document, and you do not own that software. Thus you could not make any changes until you bought and learned that software, or hired an outside writer who uses the same software. (Most technical writers are enamored with a particular piece of esoteric writing software.)

Using the outside writer will force you to batch your documentation changes, making the literature out of date. (How many times have you seen product documentation that does not match the product? This happens because the company was waiting for the next major upgrade to update the User Documentation.)

3. Using idle employees in your company to create the User Documentation. The remainder of this article will focus on this option.

STAFFING BENEFITS

In most organizations, there is some staff down-time. By assigning these staff to create User Documents you benefit from effective use of this down-time, and the employees benefit from experience in a new field.

These staffing benefits include:

* Use staff who may be idle between projects
* Your staff know the company's culture and their fellow staff
* Your staff use existing company-wide writing tools (your word processor)
* No time needed to get oriented with the physical aspects of the job
* You have created a new resource within company

BENEFITS TO YOUR USER DOCUMENTS

If you have in-house writers (even if they are not formally trained as "technical writers") you can just say "Sue, could you or Tom update the document where the sign-in window is presented." Much faster and more flexible then having to go to an outside source. Sue and Tom have ownership of the document, and would work to improve it. They would use software resources available in your organization.

The benefits of in-house writers to your User Documents include:

* You can make corrections as you find the errors.
* You are able to update your User Document when you update your product.
* Better control of timing and resources
* No fear in dealing with the User Document in electronic form. From your word processor or add-ins, you can publish your User Document as a portable data format (.pdf) file, or as HTML for display on the Internet.

DOWNSIDES OF IN-HOUSE WRITING

The primary downsides of in-house User Document creation are the attitude and emotions of your newly-appointed writer. These include:

* Fear ("I don't know how to write")
* Anger ("Why me? This is unfair")
* Uncertainty ("I don't know what to write")
* Isolation ("I've been cast into this writing thing")

You can reduce these negative emotions if you encourage and support your New Writer.

SUPPORT YOUR NEW WRITERS

It is unfair to assign a non-writer to create a User Document without supporting him/her. You have to support your writer with:

* Training;
* Access to the development and marketing teams for product information;
* Use of the development team to evaluate their writing (small chunks);
* Access to the product, industry literature, and marketing materials;
* Style manual;
* Editor -- your writing expert;
* Time to do a good job.

Other articles in this series (see the links in the "Resources" or "About the Author" section of this article) present more information about supporting your New Writer. 

The Observation Cycle-You Get More of What You Are Observing

Many people often ask, "Why do I keep getting more of this (as they refer to something unwanted)?" The answer is always the same - you get what you vibrate! In other words, whatever you give your attention, energy and focus to, you'll get more of it.

I hear people say, "But I'm not giving attention, energy or focus to this and I keep attracting more of it." Or, "I know what I want, but keep attracting this (pointing to what they don't want)."

There are a few things to check out if you are curious about why you keep attracting things that you don't want - remember the answer is always the same - you get what you vibrate. So, the challenge is to find out what you are doing to create this attention, energy or focus to this issue. Here is a quick check-off list to help you determine what you might be doing to attract more of what you don't want.

(1) Are you saying what you don't want by using 'Don't', 'Not' and 'No'?
(2) Are you complaining or worrying about what you don't want?
(3) Are you observing what you don't want?

In your observation of what you don't want, in that moment, you are giving it attention, energy and focus, thus attracting more of it. Just by observing it, you are offering a matching vibration to it. And Law of Attraction which is obedient in every moment, will unfold more of that vibrational match into your life


When you open you wallet and see how much money you DO or DON'T have, then you offer the same vibration. When you open your client or customer file cabinet, you observe how many clients you DO or DON'T have, and again, in your observation you offer the same vibration, thus the observation cycle continues.

It's easy and quick to change your focus from what you DON'T want to what you do want. Each time you notice you are giving attention to what you don't want ask yourself, "So, what do I want?" Create one clear statement about what it is that you do want and spend a few moments focusing on THAT thought. You can only hold one vibration at a time and this easy exercise ensures that you are now focused on what you do want.

Remember, observing what you don't want will cause you to offer the same vibration to it and you will attract more of the same.

Observing what you DO want creates a matching vibration within you to your desire so that Law of Attraction can bring you more of the same.